Saturday, 31 December 2016

A happy failure and here's to the future...

I sit here in a rare moment of quiet.  A sleeping husband and son after yet another evening of festivities.  I say and mean rare, it was the end of May that I last blogged, where has the time gone?

2016 was my year of not making plans, of throwing caution to the wind, spending time with my family and indulging in my hobbies.  Quitting my much loved and busy job was a tough call, but one that felt right at the time, especially in the wake of another devastating and rather protracted miscarriage.  Nigel Slater, his book and this blog saved me in those first few months.  Gave me a focus, allowed me to enjoy the hobby I love so much and spend time cooking for and eating with beloved family and friends.

It sadly waned at the beginning of the summer as life moved outside, holidays came, weddings and celebrations took over and what a glorious summer it was.  Care free days with happy occasions full of love, laughter and of course lots of food and wine.

One of my biggest fears is failure and I suppose in a way I failed this year.  I failed to complete what I set out to do, cook my way through Nigel Slater's wonderful book.  I thought I would feel sad and in a way I do.  I did not get to enjoy all the recipes I was so looking forward to cooking but you know what I am ok with it.  I will get round to it one day, my books and passion for cooking will never falter and as my husband says I will always be a feeder.

Looking at the positives of this year, I made a good stab at the blog and enjoyed every moment, I did live up to my plan of not making plans, I threw caution to the wind and threw myself into life.  Saying yes to everything including a random day spent basket weaving in the wilds of Cambridge!

So now as it draws to a close, I can genuinely say I have no regrets.  Some sadness yes, another miscarriage reared its ugly head but I am grateful for the treatment, care and support from the wonderful NHS.  That journey continues in 2017 and I remain hopeful that we will have a sibling for our son.  Although the guilt I feel at wanting another child is hard.  I feel so blessed and grateful for everything we have.

So, as 2017 is about to start, I am pleased I have finally taken that gap year.  I needed it then but this year I need to return to a little bit of me.  I need to make plans it is who I am and I need to work, it is good for my mind and soul.  So it is back to work (part time) whilst my son embarks on pre school and adventures of his own.  It is continuing to cook, spend time with loved ones and enjoy life.  If 2016 has taught us all anything, it is that life can be all too short. Carpe Diem my friends and thanks to all who have read this (surprisingly far more of you than I ever thought and I am truly grateful).  Happy New Year, thanks Nigel for setting me on the right path.

PS I am having a take away tonight!

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